The next day, the skies cleared and it was sunny. This had to be rock bottom. She was starting to feel slight cabin fever after being cooped up for so many days in the house. Being in familiar old surroundings was making her feel a little better, and she had learned that her cousin had a ranch nearby that was close to the beach. The beaches in the Texas gulf were not the same as the beautiful California beaches she came to know, but she decided that it would be nice to get down there anyways. She was in no mood to see anybody, and fortunately her cousins were in Austin for the week, so she knew she’d be safe there. She rode with her father so he could let her in and show her where everything was.
The ranch was amazing. It had a perfect white fence and sprawling green grass surrounding the entire property. The white two-story house sat right in the middle of the grounds and looked over the land and part of the sea in the distance. There were horse stables, and the beach was accessible a few hundred yards away through a path that Laurel could see off in the distance. Laurel felt the faintest shudder of excitement, as they pulled closer. “Dad, they have horses?” she asked.
Dad noted the excitement in her voice. “Yes, mi hija, they do. And you can ride them. There is a stable hand that comes by to take care of them. His name is Steven. If he is not here, well, you remember how to saddle right?” Dad asked, smiling, as he looked at her.
She gave a little smile. “Yes I remember.”
Dad stopped the car and gave her the keys to the house. “Ok, well here you go mi hija.” He paused. He had not yet spoken to his daughter about what she was going through, and he struggled over it. He stared straight ahead, searching for something to say, some fatherly advice. She could sense it, and she wanted to stop him, but he spoke out. “Look mi hija, I know that what is happening is very bad. And it hurts me so much to see you in pain, but you have so much strength in you. You really do, and I know that God is protecting you. I don’t know what He has planned for you, but I know that He is protecting you.”
Laurel turned to face the horizon, staring at nothing out in the distance, taking in her father’s words. She wasn’t in the mood for any of his religious sermons, and she wished he would just save his breath. She didn’t want to hear anything about a few magical words out of the scripture that would save her or make things any clearer. Besides, she had no strength; that’s how she got into this mess to begin with. What was he talking about? The thoughts frustrated her.
“When you were a little girl, I took you to the fair. You wanted to go on a ride so bad, you were begging and begging. It was the one with rockets that went round and round. Do you remember the one?” he asked. She thought about it and nodded.
“Yes, I remember.”
“Yes, well you were too little to go on it, but you wanted to go so bad, and you kept begging, and I just couldn’t say no. So I took you on it. Well, the ride started going faster and faster, and you were so little that you started to slip under the bar. I got so scared, and I was trying to hold you and I…I,” he paused. The memory was so strong and clear to him, as if it had only happened yesterday, and his eyes began to well up. Laurel noted the sadness in him, and remembered then, that same sadness in him when she had decided to move to LA. Her heart sank, realizing that she had been the cause of his pain, so many times before. She loved him so much in that instant, and her heart hurt as she watched him struggle. She started to tear up.
He cleared his throat and gathered himself. “But before I could grab you, you stuck out one arm and grabbed on to the bar, and you held yourself up!” He paused again as a tear began to stream down his face. The pain in him was agonizing to her, and she wanted him to stop talking and stop remembering, but she could say nothing. She needed to hear it. “I couldn’t believe how you did it. How you found the strength to hold yourself up, for those few seconds that the ride was…”
“Dad!” she blurted out finally. She was awestruck, and felt guilty for not remembering the event that he had been harboring so deep inside. An event that was her doing, that he’d been holding so close to his heart, was unbearable for her heart to take.
“Mi hijita, I was so scared that I was going to lose you. I grabbed on to you and pulled you up and held you so tight.” His knuckles were turning white as he gripped the steering wheel. He stared forward, down the road ahead, and she could see the loud reflection of light in his teary eyes. He turned to look at her. “The reason I am telling you this is because God was protecting you that day. He gave you the power to hold on and save yourself, even though you were so little and weak. He was there. He gave you the strength. So I have never worried about you, because I know He is protecting you.” He smiled at her, and she leaned over and hugged him tighter than she ever did before. This was how she imagined home to be.
He hugged her back, as if to let her know that everything would be all right, and she understood, as she got out of the truck. “I will be back in a few hours to get you ok?” He smiled and put the truck in gear. She felt emotionally drained already, and it was so early in the day.
“Ok Dad. I love you,” she replied. “Thanks Daddy,” she added, feeling like a little girl again.
“I love you too mi hija,” he said, as he pulled away. She took a deep breath and watched him drive down the gravel road. She turned towards the barn and scanned the property. The day was beautiful and she could hear the birds chirping. It was really quiet, and in the distance, she could hear the ocean. It seemed so peaceful. She hadn’t known quiet like this in years. California seemed like a million miles away.
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