A young girl named Jessica was sitting in a
park with her boyfriend. She was a very
pretty girl with long straight black hair, just like that of her mom, and her
grandma before her. She was only fifteen,
and she was ditching school. She didn’t
care. School was a waste of time for her,
because at the center of her universe was her boyfriend, Chapo. That was what they called him anyways. He had a real name.
They sat on a table and bench in an empty
park in their south Los Angeles neighborhood. Off in the distance, there were some moms out
with their kids, playing in the sandy playground. Chapo sat on the table, drawing on Jessica’s
backpack while she was wearing it, sitting on the bench below him. He wouldn’t tell her what he was drawing.
He was seventeen years old, and had been
going out with Jessica for six months. He
looked like a typical LA Latino gang member. He had a closely-shaved head, a few tattoos,
and he wore a football jersey. He wasn’t
an actual gang member, as in “jumped in” and sworn to one for life, but he also
was no saint. He was a tough kid, but
only because he had to be, due to his older brother. His older brother was a gangbanger, and at
twenty-two years old, had already been in and out of jail a bunch of times. He had always put pressure on Chapo to be down
and “man up”. Chapo went along with it,
eagerly at first, but he really didn’t have his heart set on living that kind
of life forever. He was lost in between
two worlds.
Despite his image and self-doubt, he was
really a nice guy with a caring heart. He
had sparkling eyes, a great smile, and kind demeanor. Most importantly, he cared a lot for Jessica
and treated her like a princess. They
were starting to really love each other. They dreamed together of some possible future
together, far away from LA. He understood
everything about her heart and soul, and he knew her deepest thoughts and
wishes. He could read her thoughts
better than he knew his own. He was
there for her, always and unconditionally, giving her everything she needed.
“What are you drawing?” she asked him.
“Nothing.
I’m writing something,” he answered back softly, as he focused on his
work.
Jessie watched a mom with her son off in the
distance. The mom smiled as she pushed
him gently on a swing. “Do you think I’m
gonna to be a good mom someday?”
“What?” Chapo sang out in his reply. He was surprised, but he kept his concentration
on what he was drawing. “I don’t know. I never thought about it. I guess so. You are nice, you are so pretty…”
“What does that have to do with being a good mom?”
she asked, playfully annoyed.
He chuckled, this time looking up towards the
park. He noticed Jessie watching the mom
across the park, and then he knew why she was asking. “Well for one thing, nobody wants to have an
ugly mom…” he joked again.
“You stupid!” she yelled back, elbowing him
in the shin.
He chuckled again. “Alright! Alright! Of course I think you will be a good mom.”
“Why?”
“Because,” he became serious, because he
loved her and wanted to give her the answer she deserved. He wanted to tell her what he really thought,
to put her mind at east. “You have such
a big heart and you will love them a lot. And that’s all children need, parents that
love them a lot.”
“Yeah? You really think I have a big heart?”
“Oh I know you have a big heart,” he replied
smiling. He went back to drawing. “That’s not the only thing big…” he uttered
under his breath. She elbowed him again
immediately. “Ouch!” he replied,
laughing. “I’m just joking, baby girl!”
“You know, I‘m worried about you,” she said
to him in a serious voice.
“I worry about you too,” he replied.
“Oh yeah? Why are you worried about me?”
“Seriously? I’m not. But I sort of worry about you, with school and
your family and stuff. And I get jealous
of the other boys at school that like you.”
“Uh, whatever,” she sang out in reply. “You know I don’t care about anybody but you. I’m being serious. I am worried about you. Angel and his friends want to get you…”
“Meh!” Chapo replied with a nonchalant smile,
concentrating on his work. “Don’t worry
about that, baby. Those fools ain’t
gonna do shit. Besides, me and Marcos
are ready for them. If they ever wanna
try something, we’ll just blast em’. I
don’t want you to worry about me ok?”
Jessie remained quiet, fearful that things
could get deadly serious. Some fools
from the nearby neighborhood had already promised to blast him, for no real
reason other than his association with his brother’s gang.
Chapo tried to change the subject, “what
about you and your mom? Has she tried to
talk to you lately?” Jessie had her own
problems. Neglected by her mother and
unaware of any father, she felt sorry for herself. Although she didn’t quite understand it, she
was carrying anger and resentment inside.
“No. Hell
no. I still haven’t seen her since that
one day a few weeks ago.” Feeling bad
for her, Chapo put his pen down beside him, and sat down next to her on the
bench. He looked into her beautiful eyes
and hugged her tightly. He gently kissed
the tip of her nose. She leaned into
him, letting his comforting hug soothe her pain. Jessie had her grandma and grandpa, both of
whom loved her and cared for her. They
didn’t, however, understand her. Chapo
was the only person in her life that made her feel comfortable, loved, and
understood.
“I love you baby doll. You don’t need her. You have me,” Chapo whispered into her ear,
kissing her cheek.
“Do you promise?” she asked him.
“Yes I promise. You have me forever,” he replied staring
deeply into her eyes. She knew he meant
it. She knew he was so in love and down
for her that he would die for her. She
smiled and took off her backpack. She
looked at what he had been writing. It
read, “Jessie” heart “Chapo 4-Ever”. She
smiled at him.
They wasted anther hour at the park before
they started getting hungry and decided to leave. Jessie stuffed the feelings she had about the
world outside of her and Chapo, back deep inside of her. The volatile mix of stunning beauty, neglect,
and self-pity, culminated together in the creation a rebellious teen that
sought to seek the emotional attention she needed elsewhere. Only God and time knew her future.
